Friday, May 14, 2010

Jumping on the response bandwagon

If you have been under a rock, this email has started circulating around Wall Street a couple weeks back, purportedly written by some trader. Some responses have been written, and dangit if I don't want to get in on the smackdown:


Dear Mr. Wall Street trader,

One question up front: are you guys really that unaware of the real world the other 99.9% of us reside in? Because a few things you have said give me the impression you get all your information about us "common folk" from Telemundo comedy shows, the History Channel and back issues of Field and Stream. Let me see if I can help you out a bit.

I don't make $85K a year. Oh, I wish I do, but I don't. In fact, I know of only one person that makes at least that, and he is a tech director for a company and pretty much works 24/7, what with being on call all the time and on weekends. I used to take an hour for lunch - UNPAID. Now, so I can get home, I work with a 20min paid lunch. I am working to train my body to do it's natural waste discharge during one of my breaks. My wife works in a school. There are days she never gets a lunch, with the extra workload caused by the financial crisis you created. And she doesn't get 4 months off, she gets just under 3.

I am not sure how you think you are better for my job or my wife's job. Just because you manage the buying of selling of "stuff" doesn't magically make you more capable of being a teacher. For starters - you need a license. In Illinois, it's called a Type 10. Just saying "I sold 2 billion is assets last year" doesn't gain you the license. One must attend certain college courses. Don't even think about my wife's job. That's a Type 75. You need a Master's specializing in speech and audiology. Now my job? If you think you can handle networking, VPNs, deep troubleshooting and other technical issues, come apply. But expect that salary to be a couple 10k's less, and enjoy your 15 days off a year. That's right.....fifteen. Trust me pal, when the time comes for you to get a job in the real world, say bagging groceries at Jewel, and the manager needs to choose between a 17 year old kid and your pathetic butt, who do you think will get that job? (Let me give you a hint: not you).

Now you threaten to not buy your $80k car, leave a big tip and manage your own home improvements. What was that car - a Benz? Infinity? BMW? Volvo? Those aren't made in the USA, dumb*ss. So you weren't helping the economy then, and you won't be helping it now, unless you decide to buy a vehicle actually produced within our borders. And a 35% tip? Yeah.....right. You left a 35% tip the day I won my first Stanley Cup.

Spare us the righteousness you claim to have. You work in an industry that is self serving. You do nothing to produce money. You simply manage it. You do not manufacture a good, and you do not really provide a service. You simply work in a closed industry that pats itself on the back and thinks it controls the world. Here's the truth - your job is to make money for yourself, no matter what happens to the other person. You make money even when the other person loses money. I can think of two industries off the top of my head that are like that: real estate and casinos. I think Agent Smith said it best.

Neo isn't coming to save you. And no matter how hot Trinity is (and boy, is she hot), she doesn't believe a word you say. Your days are numbered.